I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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