you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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