I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
