Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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