I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
