make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
