I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
