the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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