Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
