I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You don't make any sense
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