I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
