so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
