"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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