I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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