One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
