I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
