I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
