woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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