Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
