how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont even know how to be here
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
