Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
