I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
