Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
