Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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