well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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