can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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