Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
