Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
