OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I smell like Dick and happiness
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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