The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
