She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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