OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
