Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
