my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
