i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
