Can i not drive my cunt home
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
