I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
