My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
