You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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