I'm really into asian looking animals
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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