Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
