You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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