I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
