I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
