apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
