Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
