im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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