can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
