Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
