My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just had sex bonerless
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize