Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
