I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
