The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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