Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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