you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
