kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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