Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
