umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
