Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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