Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
