nut hugger
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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