you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
