Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
