Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
