You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
