That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
