I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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