I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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