how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
