Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
