I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
