I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
