4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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