what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
