There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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