Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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