you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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