You're completely useless in the revolution.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
