Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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