he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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