I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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