just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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