And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
