why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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