But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That's intense
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
